I started working on making this pile of words into a novel. Here is the scene I posted back in November, edited and extended. As always, your respectful engagement is welcome and I am grateful you are here.
CW: BDSM
“You can hit her. She’s asking.”Colette knew that but she was a little nervous. She hadn’t ever used a riding crop on bare skin before. Empress Wu leaned over to cradle the willing victim against herself firmly from the side in a reassuring embrace. The shiny crimson leotard she had on didn’t stretch as she reached and her breasts rested heavily on the girl’s back. “You want her to, don’t you.” The observation was stark in its simplicity, and Empress Wu’s voice was neither coaxing nor stern. Instead she was cool and matter of fact, the same voice she had used earlier that day while coaching one of her calc 1 students. This new girl was clearly enjoying the scene and the inexperienced Colette was eager to succeed at this new skill. The woman’s voice was quiet but sincere in her request. “See? She’s asking.”
Colette took the black leather riding crop from a smiling Empress Wu as she softly brushed back some of the woman’s dark hair that hung, wildly tousled, over her face. The girl closed her eyes and nodded her head yes as she leaned into the Empress’ red vinyl clad bodice for balance. “What is your name?” Colette asked.
“Stevie,” she said so quietly that Colette could barely hear her.
“Nice to meet you Stevie.” Colette said.
The girl was bent over a white padded bench intended for just this sort of thing. Her knees were resting on the lower bench as she positioned herself on all fours astride the horse. Her hands were loosely tied with a braided rope to the metal anchor ring in front of her. Colette raised her eyebrows and hesitated just a moment not because there was any ambiguity here; the girl wanted this, Empress Wu was being very kind and gracious with her instruction and Colette was keen to try, but she did expect a voice in her head to say ‘No.’ There wasn’t one. She raised her arm to strike and flicked her wrist at the bottom of the arch. It took three or four tries before she achieved the undeniable slap of leather against bare skin. Colette felt her own face flush with the satisfaction of it.
Looking at the girl’s face Colette asked “Is that OK?” She shook her head yes. “You want more?” Yes. Their eyes locked onto one another for a second and Colette felt an intense spark of connection one human being to another. The moment of human connection, more than anything, surprised Colette. She stepped back and tried again and again, looking frequently to Empress Wu and the submissive for signs to guide her pace. Once the motion of hand elbow wrist were coordinated Colette could feel the technique. She tried aiming and striking from different angles each time listening for the loud snap she liked so much. Pale milky skin like this will bloom into a glowing red. It reminded Colette of hot embers and it was lovely against the backdrop of the white leather. “Look at that! You got her ass good and red!” Empress Wu affirmed. “Ooh it’s so warm” she cooed as she ran her hand across Stevie’s ass. “Say thank you to Mistress.” She gently ordered.
“Thank you Mistress.” Stevie had a peaceful look on her face of blissed concentration.
“You’re welcome.” Colette replied, not really knowing if there might be a protocol for what she should say or do at this point. She let the satisfied feeling fill her up.
Empress Wu added, “Ooh I love it, everyone is smiling! Colette, your face is rosy too!” Colette raised her hand to her face and it was hot to the touch. Then Empress Wu walked away looking proud and cheerful to help a woman on the other side of the bustling dungeon with an electric shock wand. The room was decorated with clean lines and white fabric, it looked more like a club dance space than a dungeon to be honest. I mean, if your club had cages, and ceiling hooks and a large x shaped cross in the corner.
“Are you ready to get up?” Colette asked, not knowing if Stevie would ask on her own.
“Yes. …please Mistress.”
“Good girl.” She said and softly touched Stevie’s cheek feeling like this was so right, so easy. Maybe she was even good at it. She doubted Mari would ever let her switch to try this on her at home. But Jai might. She scanned the room for Jai. The sounds of friendly chatter and laughing mixed oddly with the harsher sounds of whips, and moans and the occasional surprised squeal. There, she spotted them, still in jeans and a sports bra, sitting in a cage eagerly trying to eat chips fed to them through the bars by a woman in jewel toned bra and panties.
Colette slowly and inexpertly loosened the coils of soft rope from Stevie’s wrists and untied them from the anchor. She sensed she could ask for whatever she could think of at this moment and this woman would probably do it. They were strangers but this liminal space between scenes held every imaginable possibility. She didn’t ask for a thing though. She stood silently, a little light headed, as the girl got a spray bottle and towel to wipe down the platform for whomever else might use it next. That night as her eyes closed all sorts of requests or orders she might have voiced would pop into her head. Any of them would have been better than nothing. Next time, she promised herself, she would be bolder.
Before they left the vestibule of the dungeon that night Jai threw their torn t-shirt back on and tied on their boots. Something about the boots and the jacket and Jai’s tired, happy face made Colette feel something big. Gratitude, happiness. Feelings she wouldn’t have imagined for herself back when she was a struggling confused student, depressed and hiding herself from everyone out of fear and self loathing. “I’ll be right back, K?” Jai said just as they were getting ready to go. “I want to get that girl’s number.”
“The one who was feeding you chips?” She asked.
“Her friend. They all have a leather meetup they invited me to.”
“Ok hun.”
“Be right back.” She said and gave her a quick kiss. Colette wrapped a fashionable kimono jacket over the skin-hugging long-sleeved high necked dress she was wearing and swapped her platform heels for flats that she could walk in. She left the fishnets on. By the time they headed home it was nearly 2:00 a.m. Jai’s car was parked just a couple of blocks away. The street lights weren’t all working on this side of town. They both kept one eye on the uneven pavement and potholes in the road so as to not trip and fall. They were on high-level awareness but they were together and they managed to get to the car without so much as a wolf whistle.
Mari was already asleep when they got home. Jai started to creep toward her closed door but Colette stopped them. “Let her sleep. You can crash with me.” Jai gave a mischievous grin and stood as tall as they could in their flat boots.
“Tell me meaner.” Her eyes glimmered. She was still ramped up from the party.
“Get. the fuck. in my bed.” Colette commanded thinking she might have unleashed a new side of herself in just one night.
“Yes ma’am.” Jai whispered as they swept past Colette in a hurry to obey. Colette was close behind after she checked the lock on the front door and turned off the hall lights.
**********
When the sun hit her face through the slats in the blinds Colette knew she was already running late. Turns out, three hours is not enough sleep to feel rested but it is just enough to get up and amble toward the bathroom like an extra on set of The Walking Dead. Her alarm never would go off since the battery was long dead when they got home last night. Both phones lay on the floor next to the pile of their clothes. Colette plugged Jai’s phone in and grabbed her favorite blue skirt suit from it’s hanger. Normally this suit was reserved for job interviews and luncheons where someone’s parents needed to be impressed. But if there was one lesson she knew well it is that when you feel like death, you must compensate by looking impeccable. She grabbed her knee high boots – there was no time to shave legs. But she did take time to shave her face and put on at least lipstick and mascara.
Looking at her face in the mirror colette felt like she was making a choice. There was a path in her mind that led to a recognition of beauty and gratitude and wonder. There was another path that brought discouragement , self criticism and despair. Both these faces looked nearly identical on instagram but once her brain went down the despairing path, no amount of reassurance or flattery could convince it that she was anything but horrible and hopeless. She took a pic with her phone before leaving Jai, still asleep in her bed, and quietly slipping out the door to run for the 7:10 bus across town. An overpriced but completely necessary double espresso on the way in was the final step to complete the facade she had created and she smiled to herself as she thumbed through the several selfies she had taken on the bus and the coffee shop to choose and post the best one. “Morning light on the way to work. Have a beautiful day everyone.” She dozed off at her desk on her lunch hour and had to be shaken awake by her 1:00 appointment, a mom with two little kids in tow who graciously did not mention it to any of the supervisors. By the time she got off the bus at the end of the day she was wiped out and looking forward to an early night.
“Shit.” Stepping off the bus, Colette could see the apartment manager alternately checking his phone and looking up and down Lincoln street, waiting. He might have been looking for anyone but the unopened emails and messages on her phone were a pretty good indicator that he was there, after office hours, to speak to Colette.
“I cannot have this conversation today.” She muttered, pulling her cloche hat down to hide her face. Without a second’s thought she darted the opposite direction, dodging into the second best bodega where she usually bought coffee and eggs and those little wheat crackers that taste like cookies. She bought a pack of gum and thought about where to wait out the henchman’s patience until he gave up and went home. That’s what Colette and her roommates called him- ‘Henry the Henchman.’ His name wasn’t even Henry, it was George. Fucking George! They had come up with the name after seeing him wait an hour to deliver a neighbor’s eviction notice, an unpleasant sneer on his face. She needed to get her shit together and pay the rent before Mari found out she hadn’t paid her half yet. Mari, the other name on the lease, was never late with her rent.
“Shit!” Just as she put down a dollar bill on the counter, she caught sight of the henchman crossing the street. He didn’t see her though. She picked up her phone and the whole screen was filled with notifications that he had called, texted AND emailed. It filled the screen of her still closed phone. What she couldn’t see was the bubble below that which became visible as her thumb grazed the lock screen. [Mari Johnston: text] [Answer your phone angry emoji] [Mari Johnston: 6 calls] Not good. Mari wouldn’t be home at this time of day. She would be at dance after work and before her meeting at the center. A little ember of shame smoldered in Colette’s stomach lining as she thought through all the possible options she had for coming up with three-hundred-thirty-two additional dollars before Friday. No late fees until Friday, so technically the rent wasn’t even late until then no matter what the lease said. Head high, and cloche hat in place, Colette walked with extra grace and gravitas the rest of the way home.
As she climbed the stairs and came to her own door she started to feel better. Safe again. She could hear someone inside. The sounds of drawers and cupboard doors opening and slamming shut made her stop in her tracks. Was Jai mad at her too? She wondered. She silently eased the door closed to avoid finding out. Her already anxious stomach clenched when she looked around. The piles of books from an overturned shelf caught her attention first and she almost tripped over an open duffle bag in front of the door. Scanning the rest of the room she could see a mess of papers and unopened mail where there had once been neat piles. This was not Jai slamming around being pissy, there was someone ransacking her place. And whatever they were up to, they were not finished.
“SHIT!” she shouted silently. Her instincts insisted she quietly step back out the apartment and run. But the opened bedroom door to her right revealed a terrified looking Jai, making small but unmistakeable sounds through a gag in their mouth. Jai was tied to the footboard of Colette’s bed and not in a sexy way. Colette sneaked in as fast and quietly as she could and cut Jai loose with Mari’s desk scissors which were sitting right on colette’s desk waiting to be returned from the last time Colette had borrowed them. Oh the number of times she had stolen those scissors because she couldn’t find her own. Despite her racing thoughts, she made a mental note to thank Mari for being so organized. Brains are weird. Now that Jai was free, they put one finger up to their lips in a shhh motion and indicated the window with a head nod. Slowly Colette opened the window and stepped out onto the fire escape She could smell the faint remnants of weed and stale cigarettes which was strangely comforting. With no way to know what the fuck was going on, and no desire to find out just yet, Colette followed Jai down the ladder to the lower level and edged past them to hop over the railing, hang a split second from the bottom bars and release her hands. Her shoes barely touched the pavement before her legs folded and she managed to touch the ground with one hand, the suit was a bit smudged with soot from the railing but otherwise it never touched the dirty ground. She then stood underneath Jai to help as they lower themself down. It wasn’t elegant or cool looking, and Jai ended up stumbling to the ground ungracefully, but they managed to run a block before stopping to catch their breath.
“What the hell?” Colette said, grabbing Jai by the shoulders and looking them up and down. “Are you OK? What happened? Who is that in our apartment?”
“I’m Ok. Let me call Mari.” They held out one finger. “Just a sec.”
“Wait, don’t we have to call the cops?” Colette wondered aloud opening her phone.
“We never call the cops.” Jai said emphatically and gently put her hand over Colette’s screen as if explaining this concept to a small child.
“I know. I know. But there’s a man in our apartment, and it’s not like we’re there.” It sounded reasonable.
“No.” Jai shook their head. They knew enough to know that the reasons did not need to be discussed. Colette was beautiful and strong and she was visibly trans. Jai both admired her and feared for her safety sometimes. She had been raised to trust society, and that sort of trust is good and fine until you find yourself face to face with a bigot. Worse if the bigot happens to have a badge. Jai didn’t like to risk it. “Mari?” They cradled the phone in their shoulder and told the whole story in their fast Hoboken accent.
“Ok” Jai bit their pinky fingernail and suddenly all the tattoos and piercings lost their power. None of it could keep them from looking like the 22 year old queer kid that they were.
“Yeah, We’re close. OK” they tucked the phone into their back pocket.
“Mari is almost home. She and Toni are gonna go up and try and scare the guy away.”
“Wait, what? No! What if he has a gun?” Colette was not going to allow Mari to get hurt.
“He didn’t. He threatened me with your cosplay dagger when he realized I was there. Obviously he expected the apartment to be empty.”
“Awe fuck. Did he…” She wasn’t willing to say the words.
“No. No.” They reassured her while grabbing Colette’s hand and heading back toward the apartment. “I’m Ok, really. I didn’t hear him come in. I had my headphones on when I felt him grab me.” Angry tears started to collect on the ledge above their eyelashes as they ran and made their way across the busy streets. “He was so fast. Like, before I knew what had happened he had both my wrists behind me.” Some mix of shame and embarrassment hardened their face and while they waited for the light to change in their favor they absently started chewing the inside of their lip. “I couldn’t understand what he was saying to me and that seemed to piss him off more.” Colette kept up to Jai with pure will and longer legs even though she was by her own standards way out of shape.
“Oh my god. I’m really fucking glad you’re ok.” She stopped for a moment to catch her breath. Colette’s voice caught in her throat and she thought about Mari going up there to confront him. “Mari, you dumb head!” she said looked back at Jai.
“We should go help.” Jai said fearlessly.
“Ah, fuck,” Colette conceded, “you’re right. But I don’t like it.”
“We’ll be OK. There’s only one of him and you are a bad-ass,” Jai grinned
“Only one that you know about,” she pointed out. “And dddon’t ffffflirt with me right now. ”
“I wasn’t.” They shrugged, lips pursed. Somehow Jai was smiling now even though they were about to run back into the danger they had just escaped. “Come on,” they urged.
It was starting to get dark. When they arrived at the front stoop their neighbor was smoking a cigarette out front. Jai shouted as they hurried past him.
“Hey Snake. Wanna help us catch the burglar in our apartment?”
“Sure,” said Snake, tapping the cigarette out on his work boots and leaving it on some stonework out front of their ancient building. He followed them up the stairwell and rounded the corner where they found the door to the apartment wide open. Every light was switched on making the mess look even more stark in all the artificial light and odd shadows.
“It’s all right. He’s gone,” called Mari from the next room. Mari’s friend Toni was in the kitchen. “You guys want a beer?” she asked as though they had just arrived at a house party instead of at their own ransacked apartment. “I’ll take one,” said Snake, surveying the scene with wide eyes running his hand through his mop of curly hair. They all decided they did want a drink. Very much.
As crazy as it felt to just hang out after the scare they had, they all took a beer. Mari and Colette, Jai and Toni and Snake.
“Did your guy have on a vintage OP jacket and like, dress shoes?” asked Toni.
“Yes! Said Jai. “That’s him! Why? Did you see him?”
“Yeah. He walked out of here a while ago. I was getting my mail. He was really hustling down the stairs and out the door. Looked like he had someplace important to get to.”
“Well, that’s crazy,” Mari said. “Can you describe him? Maybe Colette could draw a sketch.” Mari looked at Colette encouragingly. Colette laughed and she squeezed Mari’s hand.
“I’m not sure I know how to do that exactly. Unless by some stroke of luck he looks like a Homestuck character.” Toni choked on her beer with a laugh.
“I guess. He was pretty tall, like 6’ at least, he had on dark blue dress pants with a crease. I thought that was weird, who irons? Short brown hair? I guess? White guy.”
While Mari and Colette worked on getting the paper piles off the floor and in some semblance of order on the table the others joked and laughed, toasted their own courage. Before long Jai was setting up Mario Cart and they took turns racing each other until Snake stood up and said his old lady would be expecting him. Colette and Mari exchanged a slightly disapproving look. “Is she waiting for you in the 1970s” Mari teased. Snake gave a good-natured nod. ”Thanks for the beer. And the game. I hope nothing important got taken.”
“Can’t thank you enough for being willing to come help us,” Mari said.
“Sure thing dude, any time.” Mari’s jaw clenched at the casual misgendering but she didn’t call him out. She didn’t have any energy left and she strongly suspected Snake would not get what he’d done wrong. Instead she smiled and opened the door and invited him to bring his girlfriend over for dinner and video games…”real soon. K?” she said with the sweet, earnestness she had learned growing up in a big loving family.
“I should be going too Love, ” said Toni sweetly.
“Sure thing. Thanks again.”
“Night Toni.” Called Jai and Colette who had already started to play another round of Mario Cart. Once the door was closed behind their guests Mari turned to her roommates and took a deep breath.
“We have to talk.”
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